Am I a Budding Academic, or Not?
It’s a Thursday morning and I somehow wake up before 7:00a with the sun. I roll out of bed and make some coffee, eggs, and toast in my quiet apartment in Miami that I share with only myself. Walking between rooms as I tidy up, the props of my grad school life are stacked on flat surfaces of all kinds: a dozen academic papers on my coffee table, journals strewn on the floor of my bedroom, data from my thesis laying on top of a filing cabinet. Glancing at my schedule, I realize that my day is completely free. Only taking two credits and teaching one class leaves me with a lot of time this semester.
Writing all this out makes me realize I have an ideal situation with the time, ideas, resources, and support to make some major headway on my writing and setting up my career. I’ve made it no secret to my friends and family that I want to be a researcher and professor. Even though I’ve built these expectations of academic life, up until this point I’ve had so many classes, students to supervise, or other responsibilities that I’ve been okay with not making more headway on the projects that I feel obligated to do to make an “academic name” for myself (like writing articles for publication). But now, there are no excuses. Now that many of the external pressures have lightened, it makes me wonder where I can find the internal motivation to make all this happen.
But maybe that’s the test: if I can’t move toward my academic aspirations under the best of circumstances, is it reasonable for me to assume I’ll succeed when I have to juggle other responsibilities like a family, clinical work, or a full load of teaching duties? Over the last few semesters, I’ve noticed how much momentum plays a role in my productivity. By no means am I a “workaholic”, but when I’m in the routine of being at school 12 hours a day, I can stay on top of everything. However, when school’s out for a month over winter break, that impetus seems to disappear. This is something I’m keenly aware of, but not happy about.
And so I look ahead to the next semester with a sense that I have a privilege that many other students and aspiring academics do not have. I’m optimistic I can set up the routines and systems that will help me work more consistently, rather than depending on deadlines or how I’m feeling that day to get work done. I’m resolved on making the most of this gift of time. Hopefully these intentions will be realized. Otherwise, I may have to give my academic aspirations a harder look.
Cheers to spring 2017!